Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Randomize
