He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
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