My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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