i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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