you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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