I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize
