speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
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