I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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