my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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