i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
