im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Randomize
