Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Randomize
