His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
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