If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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