Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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