hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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