Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
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