I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
