i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Randomize
