she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Randomize
