hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
