The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
