Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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