I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
