i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Randomize
