i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
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