i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
My cat gives me a boner
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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