Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
