I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Randomize
