And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
