im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
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