I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
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