3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Randomize
