I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
