Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
