they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
