addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
