well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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