im drinking this country out of the recession.
Its about making memories worth repressing
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Randomize
