listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
jump out the window naked night went bad
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