I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Randomize
