Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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