Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
