just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
Randomize
