Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
