The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
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