Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
