youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
