I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
