pedialite and red bull = repair kit
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
